Calogero Dean: My Writes

This song was originally a poem I wrote for a friend of mine. I had a beat laying around that I thought it would sound good over so I recorded it and mailed it to her on a mix CD. (old school) That was a few years ago. I came across the song recently and decided to update it. I didn't change any lyrics but I added more music to flesh it out but musically it's still pretty sparse. I wanted it to sound like something you would tell someone in passing, hence the name. The birds chirping in the beginning and the end is just me sticking my mic out the window.

There are a lot of elements to this song and video. It's funny, it's dark. It's hip-hop, it's rock. It's hate, it's love. I hope you like it.

I realized I haven't posted anything in 6 months. (Not that anyone would notice.)

I recorded this on my birthday and posted it on the same day. My friend bought me a camcorder for Christmas so I had to try it out. Not to mention I had this idea for months. It seems to be getting a good reaction. Hope you like it. Maybe I'll post more stuff in 2008.

I spent new years 06-07 as well as my birthday in Vietnam . This is a fraction of what I saw. Actually, it's just all I'm willing to show you. (good times... good times) I stole some of these pix from my friends camera. I'm sure she'll let me know that when I see her.

Most people know Mary Lynn Rajskub from 24. I honestly have never seen it. I know her from Mr. Show with Bob and David and from her short films with Ruben Fleischer. This one is called The Girls Guitar club and it features Karen Kilgariff, Nick Swardson, E (from The Eel's)) and Dave Allen. If you don’t know the names you probably know their faces. Ruben Fleischer also directs a short film with MLR in which she’ plays a hit man.. or hit woman I guess.

Being a hip hop head I feel I should already know this album. But I did discover it until I was on emusic.com and I clicked the “download” button instead of the “Listen” button. I’ve never done that before in the 6 months I’ve been a member. What drew me in the most was the album cover. Not too many artist would dress up in a clown suit but David Porter did. Before making any solo albums for Stax records Mr. Porter co-wrote R&B classics like Sam & Dave's "Soul Man" and "Hold On! I'm Coming" with fellow Memphis musician, Isaac Hayes. I’m no classic soul historian but I don’t know any other album that came out before or around that time that had skits between every song. Hell, I didn’t even know Soul albums had skits. The crowning jewel of the album is the his 10 minute rendition of “The Masquerade Is Over” Here’s what’s amazing to me: “Duel of the Iron Mic” (GZA) “Who Shot Ya” (Biggie) “It’s Over”, (GFK) and Ill Bomb (LL) all sample from “The Masquerade Is Over” but none of the aforementioned songs sound alike.

What he wants doesn’t bother me. I want it too. What bothers me the most is how much what both of us want is so expected of us. How did we become these people? It’s like what we actually want doesn’t even matter at all. What we want to do is simply a formality. A ritual. And if we don’t complete the ritual, we’d both be trapped in these childish bodies. Forever trapped in this awkward phase for the rest of our lives. Everyone is so sure of what happens without the completion of the ritual but I’m not sure I know what we’ll become with it.

1. Have you tried powdering your balls? Sometimes that works.
2. Because your mother, sister and best friend didn’t have a “headache.”
3. It means to get really excited. Like the present perfect of “Crank” Ex: "You should have gone to the concert last night. It was hella crunk.”
4. Because I always get this bad crick in my neck. Do you know how hard it is for me to get those hairs out of my teeth? Besides you know I’m lactose intolerant.
5. No, I’ll wait until all the nerds finish seeing it first or just until it comes on HBO. I never saw the “first” two and I already know how it ends. What's the point?
5. Two bodies in equilibrium will be at the same temperature.  That is, once the two objects are not exchanging energy between one another, their respective molecules will have the same temperature. Anything else?
6. Don Knotts
7. Once in college but he had soft hands like a girl.
8. That’s a complete coincidence. I can’t help it if Black girls don’t like me. I swear I don’t have a fetish.
9. Are you kidding me! E. T. would kick Alf’s ass.
10. Yeah, I celebrate his entire collection.
11. I have no idea why I haven’t gotten any testimonials since January.
12. Cause Jill's hot, that's why. (I think that's four in a row now. New record.)
13. Don’t worry I don’t think she can see us from here. Now pass the binoculars.
14. I’m sorry I was just about to tell you then. You seemed so into it. I didn’t want to disturb you. I’ll tell you next time.... What do you mean no next time!
15. Yeah it did hurt but when I have an erection it turn into a submarine. TOTALLY worth it.
16. I have no idea why he still raps. I had to stop using the word “jiggy” because of him.
17. I don’t know.
18. No, I’m not from Philadelphia. That was a joke. But I did get into one little fight and my mom did get scared.
19. I prefer "The Slipnuts" They're always clowning around...
20. What is the name of the one that has the eating disorder? The fucked up one? Mary-Kate? Yeah, I guess her.
21. Because LBJ paid me to. And I acted alone. Grassy Knoll my ass.

When did this track get a video? I've been feeling kind of weird lately and I can't explain how emotional this video and song makes me feel. Visualized by Director Guiseppe Capotondi. Watch the music video (qt).

"he told me, "All romantics meet the same fate, someday/ Cynical and drunken, boring someone in some dark cafe/ "You laugh," he said, "you think you're immune,
Go look at your eyes, they're full of moon."
The Last Time I Saw Richard

-Joni Mitchell
I need to get my eye's off the moon. .. or stop drinking.

Director Geoff Oki scribbled this video for LA's The High Speed Scene. This band is a bit on hiatus right now. Once signed to The Neptunes Star Track imprint but once The ‘Tunes label moved to Interscope they got lost in the shuffle. Which is just as good because if you’re on Interscope and you’re name isn’t Curtis Jackson no one cares. Just ask Talib Kweli.
watch(qt).

A perky little pop song from two twee blokes from the English countryside. The video features an assortment of plush pranksters and debilitating strings that force humans into puppet-like slavery. Well, maybe nothing that dark, but conceptually, that description is almost accurate. The animal puppets in the video are from the drawing made on the inside of the CD cover. Some of you may appreciate this, some of you will call me gay. Well [blows raspberry] get you’re own website and stop using homophobic slurs. watch(qt - stream).

Finally! Cee-Lo might find a true life after The Goodie Mobb. Sure, he’s worked with the Neptunes, Timbaland even Carlos Santana but none of them could give him the credit he deserves as much as Danger Mouse can. None of them can match his shear craziness either. Will this new record shed light on his eccentricities or further obscur him? I guess we’ll find out together. The video, directed by Robert Hale, quite appropriately builds around the beauty of the ink blot. Watch the video (win - stream).

-I’m going to vomit.
-You’re going to vomit?
-Isaac!
-Talk to me.
-I’m really going to be sick
-Stand up. That’s it.
-I’m going to be sick.
-Come on. No, not now.
-I’m going to be be sick Isaac.
-No! Calm down. Be calm. Look at me. Lift your head up. Like that. Stay like that. Don’t touch it. No, you’re not going to vomit. Let me see. (takes picture)
-Stop it.
-Calm Down, Lift your head!
-Stop!
-Don’t cry, look up.
-Stop.
-Look, I won’t pay you.
-NO!
-Look at me.
-STOP! NO! Stop talking about the money Isaac. Stop.
-Ok, I’m sorry.
-Just a minute. I’m really nervous. Stop, Isaac. Stop talking about the money!
-Go on. Wash your face.
-I don’t believe it!
-What the Heck? Go on. Take a shower.
-I never want to do this again. Never.
-Calm down Leticia.
-Stop recording this. Stop. Turn that shit off. TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!
-Leticia Simones I never...
-Stop Calling me Leticia Simones. My name is Alexandria. Turn that off!
-It’s already off. Its not recording anymore.
-I don’t believe it.
-Geez. what happened to you?
-Never again. Never again. Do you know how I’m feeling. I feel like shit! It made me sick!
-But that is normal.
-It’s normal for those slutty girls but I’m not like that! I never did that. I’m not like that. I’m not.
-Well, what are you like then? Now let me ask you: Ok, you’re not “like that.” But you have a boyfriend. Don’t you do that with him?
-But, Isaac, I don’t do that with my boyfriend.
-What’s the point of having a boyfriend?
-Give me that tape I don’t want any money. I’ll give you another tape later. I don’t believe it! You’re not recording right?
-No, it’s turned off.
-You don’t have any Idea Isaac.
-Are you going to shower and leave?
-Absolutely. I told you many times: You’re a cool guy. I like you. It’s not you. It’s me, me. I feel really bad about myself. It’s like I’m betraying myself. You know me: I’m very religious. Like I’m betraying my word, My boyfriend, my family, myself. I can’t do that. I can’t believe I did those things here. I can’t leave here and then look at myself. How can I go to church after this?
-Yeah, how can you go to church with your boyfriend?
-You might think I’m getting fresh but I’m not. Nothing against it but It’s not for me.
-This tape. I’ll take it out and cut it, OK? Go. Go take a shower. Go. No good crossing your hands and praying. If you don’t want to do more, ok, that’s it. Take this (hands her a towel) Go shower. You need a cold shower.

1. Never Is A Promise “You say I need appeasing when I start to cry.”
The first day I heard this song and realized that I understood every word I came to the conclusion that I must be really fucked up.

2. Paper Bag “ Hunger hurts, and I want [her] so bad, oh it kills 'Cause I know I'm a mess [s]he don't wanna clean up.”
I was (and still am) afraid to get too close to anyone. The truth is that I know how to be charming and engaging and confidant (side note: I know that women like confident men. Do you honestly think I’ve never heard that before?) but that shit is tiring. I know that eventually the clock will strike midnight and I’ll turn back into the self loathing sociopath I was before. “Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love”

3. The First Taste “ I’m building memories on things we have not said.”
Though I’ve gotten much better at this I still have the tendency to fall really hard, really fast. So all you lucky ladies that want to “just be just friends”...

4.“ Fast as you can, baby run free yourself of me. Fast as you can” If I had a nickel for every time I heard the “lets be friends” speech I’d have 50 cents. Which is a lot when you think about it.

5. The Way Things Are “I couldn't take the embrace of a real romance, It'll race right through me”
I don’t really want to be happy. I don’t think I could take it. Have you ever received a really great birthday gift that was so grand you didn’t know what to do with it? No? Have you ever looked outside at the sun when your eyes hadn't quite adjusted to the light? In both instances you are receiving something that’s so grand you can’t accept it. This is called Hedonophobia-fear of pleasure. Fun fact: Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- fear of long words.

6. Heaven please send to all mankind/Understanding and peace of mind./ But, if it's not asking too much/ Please send me someone to love.
OK she didn’t write this but she does do a good rendition of it. i think it’s pretty self explanatory.

I spent the first stage of my like becoming fucked up. The next stage being fucked up. And the next figuring out why I was fucked up. Now I have the rest of my life to fix it. Wish me luck.

If sex were a party the penis would be the drunk guy that crashes it, throws-up everywhere, and then passes out on the lawn. The vagina would be the welcoming host, inviting everyone in and making sure everyone was having a good time but she spends so much time making sure everyone else is comfortable that she doesn’t have any fun. (But don’t think I’m envious, that whole bleeding thing...Yikes.)

Only the truly hurt are capable of complete distrust. If I were to set an alarm off in a crowded store everyone would assume it was just a test. If it really was a fire, they would trample each other to get to the door. It’s sad how Americans think so positive but act so negative.

Think about what you were doing 10 years ago. Think about what you’re doing now. Happy? (Try 5 years if you're 22 or younger.)

Sad Quote of the day “You’ll never find anyone that watches Seinfeld and likes Wu Tang.” Chris Rock

I was riding my bike the other day and a bug flew into my eye. It only flew into one of my eyes but they both cried just the same. I think that’s kind of sweet. What am I trying to say? I have magical eye’s. They can see art. Even through pain.

I just made 3 cheese Tortellini with baked chicken but I made too much. What should I do?

Scary letter of the day
You made the horrible decision of showing a black male and a white woman in many intimate and inappropriate situations. I realize that in New York City this is readily acceptable... but in Middle America, we know better than that. Interracial dating is wrong and should not be encouraged. Although this is not a politically correct statement, most Americans agree with it.
Ryan C. Comstock
Silverdale, Washington
Letter to G. Q. Magazine

“I came into this world high as a bird, from secondhand cocaine powder. I know it sounds absurd. I never tooted but it’s in my veins.” André before he went Bernie Mac (Mr. 3000)
I’ve been listening to OutKast for the last 10 years. No bandwagon jumping for me.

Waking up at 5:30 am + sleeping roommate = me being a dumb ass and wearing two different shoes to work.

“God help you if you are an ugly girl/ Of course too pretty is also your doom/ Because everyone harbors a secret hatred/ for the prettiest girl in the room./ God help you if you are a Phoenix/ and you choose to rise up from the ash/ a thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy while/ you are just flying past.”
I didn’t know any Ani DiFranco songs until I listened to Jay-Z. Now THAT’S 6 degree’s of separation.

8:00 p.m.- A new reality show; Who Wants To Marry Jennifer Lopez?
The banking accounts of over 1 million have been thoroughly searched. The top 100 names will be put into a hat. The ten pulled names will then go on to buy her expensive gifts and kiss her posterior out of obscurity. MUST SEE!

9:00 p.m.- Sunday night move event; Black Dudes staring the Olson Twins as FBI agents who have to go under cover into a prison as African-American Males to solve the murder of their former partner Tyron Washington. Also stars Snoop Dogg as "Swizzle Stick" the reformed pimp turned preacher.

11:00 p.m. Round table discussion "Why the Fuck Are We Still Here?" With Carson Daily, Carrot Top, and William Hung. With special musical guest limp bizkit.

FOX TV: We're not even trying anymore.

Creepiest Way To Ask Someone To Hold You
Elbow- Newborn
“I'll be the corpse in your bathtub/ Useless/ I'll be as deaf as a post/ If you hold me like a newborn”

Best Album Title
Hangar 18 “The Multi-Platinum Debut Album”
Runner up
McLusky “The Difference Between You and Me Is That I’m Not On Fire.”

Best Driving Song
Ludacris- Move Bitch

Least PC Political Tirade
!!!- Pardon My Freedom
“You can tell the president to suck my fucking dick/ Does that sound unintelligent? Like I give a fucking frick.”
Runner up
The Coup “Piss On your Grave”

Best Band Name
!!! (Any three repetitive sounds will suffice)

Best song chorus
Jean Grae- Haters Anthem
“Fuck you, Fuck you,Fuck you,Fuck you,Fuck you,Fuck you,Fuck you,Fuck you,Fuck you,Fuck you,Fuck you,Fuck you,Fuck you,Fuck you,)
Runner up
Outkast- Millennium

“Most Upbeat/Depressing Song
Friction Plane- Everything Will Never Be OK (fun fact: The lead singer of the band is Sting’s son)
“ There’s a lack of oxygen inside this town/ It stops my brain from getting me high/ Every time I wake up it’s a brand new day/ And I realize my body’s designed to die”
Runner up
Every song on The Cardigans “First Band on the Moon” (Fun fact: After a 5 year hiatus they’re back with “Long Gone Before Daylight”)
2nd runner up
Eminem “My Fault”

Most Blasphemous/ Hilarious rap lyrics
Lil’ Fame of M.O.P.- Hood Muzik
“My nigga B.I.G. told God “Throw down some ice for the nicest emcee”/ But yo B.I.G., tell God I said “nah”/ Cause He throws like a bitch/ When He throw it he miss/ The nicest emcee is right hear/ Why the fuck he throw it over there.”

Most Clever Song About Being A Dog
Nina Nastasia “A Dogs Life” (fun fact: After five years of obscurity this album is finally back in print!”)
Runner up
Spymob “It Gets Me Going” (fun fact: Spymob is the reason why N. E. R. D. ’s first album sounds better than their current one.)

Best Song for the Dumped
Ben Folds Five- Song for the Dumped
“Give me my money back/ Give me my money back, you bitch/ I want my money back/ And don't forget to give me back my black T-Shirt”

Nina Nastasia couldn’t be here tonight so I’ll be accepting her “Most clever song about being a dog” award so I’ll be accepting it for her.
I want to give shout out to Dolly Pardon, Bob Odenkirk, Paul Oakenfold, My nigga Søren Kierkegaard, my dog walker Timmy, I swear I’ll have your money on wednesday, everybody representing Muleshoe, TX! Boney James, Amanda Hugandkiss, thanks for your call. My OBGYN, you have the softest hands. My high school english teacher Mr. Flores for teaching me that there is no such thing as a “bad touch.” I know I’m forgetting someone. Oh, My agent Jerry Maguire. We did it baby! Last but not least I want to thank The Man Upstairs for letting me have his couch even though his wife died on it. I know that was hard to let go.

What if you moved into an apartment complex and they gave you a key. What they didn’t tell you is that everyone gets the same key. Your key opens every door in your complex but you didn’t know because you never tried.
“Nobody is going to give you the education you need to overthrow them. Nobody is going to teach you your true history, teach you your true heroes, if they know that that knowledge will help set you free.”
Assata Shakur (not Tupac’s mom.)
The Autobiography of Assata Shakur

Fight the power bitches!